Ten Steps to a Beautiful Bathroom
(In a past life I was a remodeling contractor. This article appeared in one of our company newsletters)
The Basics, Form and Function
Because it is the most important room in the house, the first think you want a bathroom to do is function, all the time and well. Function will determine to a large extent what form your remodel will take. If you have only one bathtub and small children, you probably don’t want to replace it with a stand up steam shower. On the other hand, if you have three teenage girls sharing a bathroom, converting a tub to a corner shower to gain more counter space might be a smart move. Before we can make your bathroom beautiful, it needs to be practical.
Tile
The three main waterproof surfaces in a bathroom are flooring, counters and tub/shower walls. Tile is by far the most common material for these surfaces, but not all tiles should be used on all surfaces. Floor tile is generally larger and heavier than those used on counters or walls. Porcelain tile is harder and more dense than ceramic tile, is especially good for high traffic areas, outdoor applications and usually more expensive. Ceramic tile is used indoors only. Stone is also cut into tiles, giving the homeowner material choices that number well into the thousands.
Fixtures
Bathroom fixtures bring the water in and give it someplace to go when we’re done with it. Lavatory, tub and shower faucets are available in a variety of styles; from classic, oil rubbed bronze to ultra modern chrome and nickel finishes. Most manufacturers make their products in matching sets so that the shower and lavatory faucets all match. Although toilets do the heavy lifting (or draining) in the bathroom, they still come in a wide variety of shapes, styles and finishes. Often, along with the sink, they can be the focal point of the bathroom. Bathtubs round out our list of fixtures, but we’ll talk more about them next week.
Bathtubs
Although the Romans had tubs, the bathtub as we know it was invented in the late 1800’s. Today, your bathroom can sport anything from the classic clawfoot to an ultra modern, multi-jetted spa tub. Even in a small space, it’s possible to get a tub with some nice features. Larger master baths can accommodate sunken, Roman style tubs suitable for more than one bather. Top of the line are tubs that are actually formed and lined with tile to match or compliment the rest of the bathroom. Whirlpool jets, lights and even stereo sound systems can be incorporated into the design to make your bathroom a haven and retreat from the pressures of the day.
Adventures in Home Improvement
(The Kitchen)
(Humor piece on Helium.com- rated #1 for over a year)
One fateful morning I walked into our kitchen to hear my wife ask, "Do you realize that this is the original kitchen that came with the house?" An innocent enough question I thought. I should just stop thinking. It always gets me in trouble. "Yes, I suppose it is." I replied. Technically, it was a rhetorical question, requiring no answer on my part, but my mouth can't seem to stay shut in such situations. It should come with a zipper. "We should remodel it," commented my lovely bride of sixteen years. A word to the wise; should you hear such words come from your significant other, run. Fast. And far away. I did no such thing and as a result, I submit the following.
Okay, I'm a pretty smart guy and I know people who have had their kitchens remodeled. How hard could it be? (Oh, silly man, you have no idea and the gods laugh at you.) Let's find a contractor. My buddy Ray just had his kitchen remodeled and they raved about their contractor. No brainer, call Ray and get the phone number. After a short conversation with my buddy, I had the number in hand. Phone rings and I talk with a nice young woman who informs me that the contractor, Bob, will call me back in a few minutes. To my amazement, Bob does indeed call me back in a few short minutes. So far, I'm feeling like I hit the lottery. My feelings of elation are short lived as Bob tells me that he is booked for the next ten months. On top of that, his minimum kitchen project price tag is fifty thousand dollars. Ouch! OK, plan B. I ask Bob if he can recommend someone else. He can't. Plan C, the phone book. I feel like a little kid as I recite in my head, C is for Contractor' and lo and behold, I find the contractor section of the yellow pages. Wow! There are a lot of contractors in here. Maybe this won't be so hard after all. I just start calling at the top of the list and leave messages for each one of them. After ten calls I figure this project is as good as done. And then I wait for my prompt return phone calls. And I wait some more. The sun goes down. It comes back up. I'm still waiting for my phone calls. Days pass. I call the phone company to make sure the bill was paid. Still no call. I guess the guys at the top of the list get a lot of calls and they're really busy. I'll try some of the other names in the book. Many calls and a few days later, I finally have appointments with three contractors who say they can remodel my kitchen. Yeah for me!
Appointment one: Contractor never showed. Call his number, goes immediately to voice mail. Appointment two: Contractor got lost and was almost an hour late, did not call. No problem, at least he's here. He takes measurements, scribbles some notes on his pad and leaves with a promise to call soon with an estimate. How soon is soon? In this case, two weeks later. Appointment three: Improvement, this contractor is on time. As he walks in the house, my nose hairs curl from the over powering scent of what I assume to be a combination of sweat and Brut cologne. He takes measurements and notes. Promises of immediate estimate. Delivered three weeks later. Another note of caution: Make sure you are seated when you read such estimates. They will be higher than you expected. Much higher. Well, this is still progress towards my goal of keeping my wife happy. (That goal is never actually reached, its one of those things that we think might exist, like Bigfoot, but we can't really prove it.)
After much consideration, checking of licenses and insurance, calling of references and a quick trip to the post office to see if his picture was posted there, I have picked Joe, whom I hope will be the best of the bunch. (Why does it feel like I'm taking the least rotten apple from the barrel?) He shows up at my house to sign the contract and collect his deposit (amazing how he's on time to pick up checks). I read over the contract, making sure all of the details we have discussed are listed within. I do voice some concern at the term 'first born' under the payment schedule and find it a bit disconcerting that I am being asked to sign in my own blood. Apparently this is to have a sample on hand in the event there is none left in my body at the end of the project. I note the approximate completion date listed on the contract and make a note to put it on the calendar. (Another note: This date is in metric weeks. Double it and add thirty to get the actual completion date.) Last step; write the deposit check. Is it normal to sweat and have your hands shake at a time like this? As my new contractor, Joe, drives away, I feel a true sense of accomplishment. In a few short weeks, our project will be well under way and my wife will be happy (yes, I know, see comments above).
Two weeks after the date they were supposed to start, workers actually showed up at my house to begin my new kitchen. When they don't show up again for almost another week, I bribe them to come back with cookies and cold drinks. Other than the dust, the noise and the loud music (are accordions really necessary in every song?), I can hardly tell they're here. Small price to pay for the kitchen of my (wife's) dreams. So far, things are progressing nicely. As long as I don't run out of cookies and soda, what could go wrong? Never, never ask that question. The universe will be only too happy to give you an answer.
As my (wife's) kitchen began to take shape, the world lulled me into a false sense of security. And then Joe came by to tell me that the plumbing in our house was not up to code and would have to be replaced. I took it like a man. I didn't cry. Until later, when I was alone. Like I said, the universe will always give you an answer. Eventually, in spite of everything, our kitchen was at last completed. I stared in amazement at the invoice Joe presented me for the balance due on our simple kitchen remodel. I rationalized that the children could still get a good education at community college. I wrote the check. I sat in my (wife's) new kitchen and enjoyed my mac and cheese.
My wife asked me the other day about remodeling our master bathroom. I thought about it for a while. Then I went to the garage, got my hammer and hit my hand until the thought went away. I figured it would hurt less in the long run.