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Rhett Butler was a man among men and the line I stole for the title of this blog is one of my favorites from any movie, ever. Kissing is one of the great lost arts, as far as I'm concerned. Don't get me wrong, there are some men out there who do a respectable job, but there are a lot more who don't have a clue.

First of all, halitosis is NOT sexy, guys. Carry a pack of gum if there is the slightest chance that you are going to to get within kissing distance of a woman. Better safe than sorry. Packing a travel toothbrush and toothpaste is not a bad idea either.
Ok, now then, slobbering all over some poor girl is not likely to have the result you seek either. You need to to start easy. Slow and gentle is so sexy it makes my toes curl. I love a man who takes his time and makes me want him to kiss me more. Guys, there is nothing wrong with letting us come after you. You take the lead, go easy and wait for us. If you are doing it right, you won't have to wait long.

Technique; entire books have been written on this subject. There are as many ways to kiss as there are people doing it, but there are a few things that in my NSHO are fairly universal. Lips are very sensitive, it doesn't take a bulldozer or sledgehammer to make them feel something. As mentioned before, soft and gentle is a real turn on. Nibbling can be fun too, but I don't want to have to use extra lipstick to cove the bite marks.

Tongues. OMG, the most over used technique in all of the kissing world. Again, guys, more is less until we can't get enough. You'll know if you pay attention. The tongue is actually the most sensitive part of the human body (yes, even more than that). Taste and touch are combined in this wonderful little appendage to the point that with the right moves, a guy who know what he is doing can kiss me right out of my clothes (this has happened more than once, but not as often as I would like, sadly). Again, take the lead, let us know you are confident, then pull back and let us come after you. The tip of the tongue on the lips, the earlobe, the neck and... well, I don't need to go any further, that's Ed's job (I have to say he has had me kiss some very capable lovers so far. Might keep him around). The tongue is NOT a weapon to be forced down her throat like you are performing a tonsillectomy. Soft and easy, then strong, then pull back and tease. It's like dancing, the more you do it the better you get, especially if you have a partner who is a patient teacher. I mean, really? What a tough way to learn a new skill?
Kiss often and well, and with someone who knows how or is willing to learn.

Ciao,
Rachel

August 3, 2011

Never Underestimate the Value of Your Wing (Wo)man

I have a few gal pals that I spend time with when I'm in Chicago, which isn't often. Most of the time it's just a few drinks at Happy Hour since we all have jobs that require us to function on a daily basis. Occasionally we'll do the Friday Night thing, but those are few and far between. No matter the situation, having a wing man, or woman as the case may be, is crucial.

Take my friend Mandy. She's a high school English teacher. Every guy in the place may not stop and stare when she walks in the room, but she's 'girl next door' pretty and attracts really horrible men. Unfortunately for her, she is a lousy judge of character, so guess who she's liable to end up with? Yep, hence the reason when we go out, I always fly wing. If I had a buck for every time I've been called a cock blocking bitch, I could retire. Too bad, Mandy is my friend and if I didn't look out for her, I'm afraid they would find her body in little pieces in the lake.

Then there's Paula. First of all, she works for me, so technically I'm her boss. You'd never know it to hear her talk to me. Paula has been married to Dan for twelve years and they have three kids, but you can't tell by looking at her. She works out, eats well and is totally blind. She's my #1 wing gal to be sure. Not that I can't pick the right men (sometimes the wrong ones are even more fun), but the ones that pick me can be a real pain in the ass. Nothing like a blind mother of three to send a guy packing with his tail between his legs. Something else you should know about Paula; she always knows when someone is lying. Always. Even me. That comes in real handy for sorting through the 'single just for tonight' types that we seem to run in to. As you will read in the coming months, Paula has my back ALL the time, in some pretty intense situations. You might even feel sorry for the bad guys who underestimate her because she's blind. I don't but you might.

Now then, put the three of us together and you have an impenetrable, stainless steel clad, estrogen powered fortress of ferocity. I feel sorry for the guys that make the attempt. They have a better chance of having a three way with J-Lo and Christina. They buy us drinks (of course we let them, I said I was a bitch, but not a dumb bitch), act very charming and sometimes they even get us on the dance floor, but they never take us home. Hell, they don't even get any of our numbers. (Paula gave hers out once and asked the guy to call her husband and remind him to take out the trash). When I want male company, I go out by myself, but that's a subject for another blog.

Nothing I wouldn't do for my girlies, and nothing they wouldn't do for me. So guys, when you see the three of us out together, stop by and say hi, act charming then move along. Unless of course you're buying, then pull up a chair.

Ciao,

Rachel